Perkins Deadwood can't believe his ears. His twelve-year-old son just asked for a pet fart for Christmas. And not just any fart, a Spanish fart. Hay caramba!

Can the used car salesman talk his son out of it? Or is this Christmas really going to stink?

For mature (and not so mature) audiences. Approximately 2,100 words.

EXCERPT FROM THE $500 QUESTION

"So, son. What would you like for Christmas?" Perkins Deadwood flashed his million-dollar smile. Thanksgiving holiday had been good to him, enabling Bottom Dollar Buick to sell half of its fleet of used cars in record time.

"Well," his twelve-year-old son Nelson scratched his head, "I'd really like a pet pedo for Christmas."

Perkins angled his head, his smile melting away. "A pedo? What's that?"

"Oh, that's Spanish for fart," Nelson smiled.

"So you want a fart for Christmas?"

"Yes, sir. But not just any fart. A Spanish fart."

"What's so special about Spanish farts?" Perkins tried to hide the horror creeping onto his face.

"I don't know. They're just spicier, like Jennifer Lopez. Didn't you say that you like your food and women spicy?